I often wonder if I could write you a letter and send it to heaven what would I say? I think about what our last conversation would be, had I been given the chance to say goodbye. Somehow death always seems to find a way to haunt us. Most of the time we do not get to say goodbye to those we have lost.
So if I could send you a note, where would I even begin? I know I would tell you how much I miss you, and all the things I never said when I had the chance. I would ask all the questions that run through my head “Why didn’t I get to say goodbye” “Why didn’t we have more time together” and “Why did God take you away so soon”.
So if I could write you a letter, this is what it would say…..
To my Aunt Carrie,
You left this world too soon, and I want you to know how much I truly miss you. I think about you every single day and wish I could tell you I am sorry for so many things….
I am sorry I was so young and naïve, as a young mom with 3 children, I was so busy and exhausted. Wrapped up with my own life that I didn’t pay enough attention to understand what you were going through. I had no idea we would lose you, but we did.
Your battle with cancer was long and hard, and I couldn’t grasp what it entailed. We always say “if we knew then what we knew know” we would do things differently. Life is funny if we aren’t personally faced with something we don’t truly “get it”. Having had my own battle with cancer, I see things from a different perspective now. My outlook on life and love has become clear. We can’t waste a minute of it or take it for granted for one second, because in an instant it can be taken from us.
As a mom like you were, I couldn’t imagine my children living a life without me in it. I couldn’t imagine not being there to see them graduate high school or get married one day. It broke my heart to know I may not be there to give them advice or watch them become the men I know they would be someday.
I wish I could see your smile, but I feel your free spirit around me all the time. I see you in the white washed jeans and funky fabric I know you would have loved. I see you in every peace sign and troll doll I come across.
There are so many times I wished you were here so I could share something that happened with my life. I have cried, I have screamed, and asked God why he had to take you away. One thing I have learned is life isn’t fair and it can be hard and full of heartache.
I am surviving down here without you, however I look for strength every day. One thing I want you to know is that I will always love you to heaven and back, and in my heart you will always be. -Wendy
To My Grandpa Cecil,
We spent our summers on your farm, and are days were full of so many adventures. You always let us get away with more than grandma would. You were strict but you made us feel loved. You worked harder than any man I have ever known in my life. We always say they broke the mold when they made you, a true gentleman.
I always felt safe when I was in your arms, I can remember my hand feeling so small in yours. I see you everywhere I look. I see you in the wind and in the sun shining on my face. I see you in the birds and in the littlest of things. Honestly that doesn’t seem enough, I truly just want to see your face again.
I often wonder where you are, and feel like we weren’t given enough time on this Earth together. The worst part is my children will never know the man you were. You would have soaked up every minute you spent with them, that’s just who you were.
I can still remember our time together like it was yesterday. I can still hear your voice and your jokes are as clear as day. You always felt like home to me and part of me knows I will never feel that way again because you are gone.
I feel like you are a million miles away, and it breaks my heart that the world just goes on without you. But I know you made my world a better place and if I could walk a thousand stairs to heaven to see you I would.
I often wonder if you would be proud of the person I have become. You would have loved my husband he is a soldier just like you. You set the bar pretty high for what I expected of the person I would spend my life with. He works hard just like you and he loves us as much as you would expect him to.
I have always had this sense of wishing, I would have been there to say goodbye. I know someday I will see you again, but until then I just hold you in my heart. -Wendy
I would write the letter to my Uncle Deane he passed away 7 years ago and he was like another dad to me he always made me feel important and i love and miss him so much… He never got the chance to meet my kids because of us living so far away… I would tell him that my middle child is so much like me he would have his hands full once again. My daughter is so funny that the little things she does would make him laugh. My oldest is the realist and would give him a run for his money, they are all willing to help out washing a car (no dirt will be involved). He would be so proud of me for helping them learn a little about the garden, the joy for camping that my husband and I have instilled in them, and the most important thing is that they have a joy for family.. yes you can use this I wish I had pictures of him but they are all at my mom’s house. – Aleah (My dad is another person.. he passed away 2 years ago.. I would tell him that I love him and that even though we went really close he still meant the world to me… His grand kids love him dearly and still ask about him.)
I would write to my parents, both died a year ago. I would tell them how much I miss them, and how even in my worst moments I can rely on the thing they had taught me. How I will never have a friend like my mom again, or ever meet as hard-working, dedicated man as my dad. I would say that they were the best grandparents my kids could ever ask for, and that feel so blessed to have had them for 27 years. -Katie
My stepson’s grandfather just passed away and I would tell him that we all love him so much. I don’t understand why he wanted to leave so badly and I would tell him that I know his pain is gone and he’s in a much better place, but that my husband and I are just devastated that we didn’t know he was hurting so bad, and wish that we could have done something to take his pain away before he left us here. He was extremely close to my stepson, they were inseparable when they were together. 22 years of service with the marines and was doing contract work. We love him with all of our hearts and just want God to look after him until we meet again! -Tabitha
I would write my parents. They both died a few months apart. I would just tell them I miss them and I can’t wait to see them again. I would ask my mom a lot of questions because her death was a mystery. My dad I was fortunate to say goodbye and I will always cherish that. -Cathy
I would write my Aunt Carmen who passed away battling breast cancer. Her 8th yr is coming up in a few days and with Easter coming up as well, it was her favorite holiday, it has been very hard/emotional. I would let her know how sorry I am for not being able to be by her side the last few months of her being here with us and not being able to attend her funeral, we were in Korea and was 8 months pregnant and wasn’t able to fly back. I’m sure she understands but it still kills me inside that I couldn’t be there. Also, that we think about her all the time and miss her very much. Easter isn’t the same without you. -Alexandra
This is my son Jackson and he will be celebrating his first birthday April 18th in heaven. I would just send him a birthday card and tell him to eat lots of cake and make sure his papa sings him happy birthday up there. That we miss him so much and will be eating lots of cake for him here as well. I would let him know that we wished we could have had more time with him but we hope he’s happy with his papa up their watching us down here! and he’s going to be a big brother in May. -Jessica
Are you watching? You would be so proud, the smarts of your granddaughter, the heart of your grandson, you would be in awe witnessing their strengths.
Are you listening? Your children, all three of us, have come through big life struggles, and are stronger, happier, and more passionate for it. We could have headed down the same road as you, but through sheer willpower and by coming together for each other in hard times, we are keeping our chins up.
Are you feeling better? You were in such turmoil here, and while we will never agree with your decision to leave us, we understand that in a twisted way, it was an act of love. In case you’re wondering, life is not better without you. We cope, we heal, we move forward, but we will never stop hurting.
Are you waiting? After you left us, I struggled most not knowing if you would be in heaven waiting for us. Did God let you in? Did he turn you away because you gave up his ultimate gift? Do I get to see you again? Feel your long, squeezing hug? Laugh at your Funny jokes and feel the joy of your silly nature? Will you be there when I arrive?
I love you forever.
To all those we have lost…..
If could send you a letter, I would each and every single day. I would kiss it, fold it, and put it in the mailbox and send all my love your way. It wouldn’t need to be long, but every word would be sweet and from my heart, and that is where I will always keep it until we are no longer apart.