As a military spouse, it is often that time apart from my husband is more than our time together. I can definitely say, my husband and I have spent more time apart than together; 3rd deployment in 6 years, plus schools, training, CQ, etc. I truly believe the Army thinks they like/need my husband more than our kids and myself. With that being said, we adapt and adjust.
With my husband being gone so frequently, the past 4 years our daughter has been my one constant, which has ultimately changed the ‘normal’ mother-daughter bond many experience. Although, I am her mom she is MY best friend, mediator, and my ‘person’. Not only do I get to experience the joys of parenthood (the terrors as well), but, we are instilling love, compassion, and a sense of level headiness (by accident) and she helps me to become a better mom and person each and every day, but also pulls me out of those slumps of, “pity me, my husband is gone, being lonely, frustrations, and much more that the army life can bring about”. She is my shoulder to cry on, she is the one who tells me to calm down when I am getting frustrated (literally), or corrects me when I say bad words, and ultimately, my best friend.
Beyond this, she saved me before she was even born. I was heading down a very dark path, one of which I am not proud of and, although she was an accident, she was and is truly a blessing in disguise. She pulled me out of that slump, and gave me the motivation and desire to truly turn my life around. After-all, I had a tiny human I had to care for now and I couldn’t be that selfish individual any longer. Throughout my pregnancy, I realized quite a bit about my life and about myself that I was avoiding and masking with alternative methods. She truly changed me, some would even say a 360 degree turn-around for those who knew me in my darkest times. Another reason why she is my best friend.
Many say the minute you bring your child into the world changes you immediately with the amount of love and joy you have experienced. I’ll be honest, it took me a few months after birth to really have this sense of feeling. I was happy about giving birth to my baby girl, don’t get me wrong, but I was experiencing a ton of emotions, and to find out later on, postpartum depression that I was just not overjoyed. I was scared, I felt numb, and had no idea what I was doing as a parent. After-all, just 9 months prior, my life was a mess. How was I supposed to raise a child? How could I with all of my own demons I was dealing with? What if I wasn’t a good mother? Anything and everything crossed my mind, many of which were negative. It took me a few months for reality to hit that I had a baby, and I needed to live my life for her; focus on her and how to better my life for the long run.
Over the course of her life (4 years), her daddy has been deployed 3 times and gone numerous other times for schools and trainings. It wasn’t until she was 3 years old that he had officially been with her more days than not. That is not the case now, as he is currently deployed and had a number of schools and field exercises he’s been pulled away to but, it took nearly 3 years to catch up. She has always been my constant, and my person that I shared everything with (when she was a baby and didn’t understand). I communicate with her still, but I try to be conscious she is feeling similar emotions. Honestly, for a while, my daughter was the only one I truly opened up to and felt completely vulnerable to. She truly is my entire world and I would be lost without her. I depend on her more than she depends on me most days; especially during deployments.
During my first trimester (pregnant now, and a few days shy of third trimester, woohoo!), she helped me in more ways than you can imagine. Hubby was gone (of course) and I was experiencing some serious food aversions. Anyone who knows me, knows that when I am sick, I cannot function; literally. During our mornings when I would run to the bathroom, she would immediately drop everything she was doing to follow me into the bathroom. She would rub my back and ask me if I were okay. Usually, she would even bring me a glass of water. Every single time. Without me asking or mentioning anything to her. After-all, she is only 4 years old, it is MY job to take care of her, not the other way around. One time, she even sang a song to me as I am puking my guts up while rubbing my back. She has and continues to be my life saver, without even knowing and I can only hope to be the best mom I can be to her (and soon to be brother), because she deserves it. She is kind, sweet, genuine, loving, smart, witty, responsible, and my favorite; my mini me!
In summary, this amazing little girl is and will always be my very best friend. I am a mom. A mom who is over protective, over bearing at times, dependent on her, and one who I owe my life to; literally. I am a mom whose best friend is my daughter; my 4-year-old daughter. She will always be my baby girl and I hope I can be there for her at least half of how she has been there for me.